Dear Growing Daughter..

How simple life was for us when I was buckling you in a stroller & setting us off on the excursion of my choosing. You brought so much joy to my adventures, & I to you (as long as I packed snacks to feed the sweetest sign language “more” occasionally rising above the strollers hood)…

But then one day I awoke, & you had aged, & you told your mother you’d be pushed no more…

I remember vividly the day you convinced me to leave the stroller in the garage as you seemed to leave the instability of your baby legs on the floor beside it & set off. I saw the freedom in your eyes & felt the wonder that oozed from your new found independence. True to your frondeur nature you tested the boundaries of your new frontier. As far from me as you could wonder while cautiously close enough for the sights & sounds that sent you running back in my direction.

The days passed & less & less remained scary, & the run backs turned to wave backs confirming to you that I was still there & to me that you were okay.

…& now we find ourselves here. On a tandem bike, both literally & figuratively in yet another new stage. We can enjoy so much more together consulting each other on where to go & what to do, still with me in the lead, still with you testing the limits as you insist on turning your handle bars & shifting the direction of my seat.

I love absolutely everything about it…& hate it all, at the same time. Watching you grow is both my greatest pleasure & worst heartache. So much wonder in this tandem stage. Two separate identities tethered together, traveling the same path, taking in the same views, but processing them differently. & with the goodness of it all, the hard…

As of late the ease of our relationship has shifted. While most days I’m still your best friend, some days I’m not. Some days you want the front seat & somedays it’s apparent you would prefer your own bike. We’re not always in sync as we navigate this new stage, & as we’ve fallen, I’ve stayed on my knees a little longer to pray before getting up to take the steer

The truth is I’m still learning it all. Can you blame me?..I mean I feel as though I had only just hit smooth sailing on my own bike when I found out you were coming along, & I traded the fast lane for the unknowns of a stroller track. But I figured it out then, & I will again-this time with your help.

You are my first, & I’ve never been prepared for any of your independence milestones…& concluded I never will be. I’m sorry darling, that you’re the one tasked with conditioning me for the heart warming & subsequently, heart wrenching realities of motherhood.

I have the best intentions for you, the source of all my worry, as I navigate your raising. I’ve incidentally woken you for the 3rd time as I felt your tiny chest for breathing, I’ve lost sleep over your cavities, & prepared myself for countless battles with colds, playground insults, & now-for our own mother daughter spats

But we’re on this ride together, & when we’re flying fast, wind in our hair & sun shinning, where side by side. Likewise, when one of us stumbles we fall together…but rest assured my dear, I will always pick us up & put us back on track.

God has graciously tasked me with showing you what a full & complete life looks like for a woman. One who admits when she’s wrong & needs forgiveness. One that recognizes when she needs a break & when she needs to rally. One that loves without bound, & one most certainly you will see fall short. But God wiling, you will also see succeed.

I will teach you, shape your character, & show you the wonder of the world. I’ll lead you well, not hiding my errors as I pray you learn from my mistakes. & when I’ve done all God has called me to do, I’ll watch you pedal away on your own bike with a not so soft plea that you frequent the tandem leather we used to share & let me ride on the back.