Social Connection Is A Core Psychological Need; No Wonder Distancing Is So Hard

Right now I should be in Rosemary Beach spending my afternoons in salt water & sunshine, dancing the nights away & waking up to fancy coffee, & a hot husband & breakfast in my bed. I wasn’t supposed to hear the sound of an alarm or the name, “Mom,” for 6 whole days…but instead…

My afternoons have been consumed with pre-k arithmetic & arguing over the use of a pencil instead of a pen. Attempting to close my eyes & sunbathe in the yard, which results in basically being water boarded by my 1yr old as he sneak attacks me with me cold hose water in the face, & breaking up their sibling quarrels just about every seven minutes, ALL day looonnngg.

My evenings have also looked a little different than I planned. Rather than 4 course romantic dinners on the beach, followed by sweating through my shirt on a neon dance floor; it’s been a little more like bribing/force feeding my daughter green beans & having my shirt soaked in the milk my son threw at me to demonstrate his displeasure over us being out of chocolate syrup. 

And as for my vision of peacefully waking up in paradise...we’ll, this morning my alarm clock felt like a drop kick to the face, which was followed by an actual kick to the face when it also jolted awake the 5yr old who snuck in my bed at some point during the night & decided to sleep upside down. Then my “hot” husband got on my last nerve when he pretended to still be asleep & deaf to said child whining for breakfast over & over until I got out of bed to service her request. I didn’t have time to eat breakfast myself, & spilled my mediocre coffee while trying to stop the baby from throwing his yogurt on the floor (obviously throwing crap is an issue for this one. We’re working on it). 

This week has been disappointing to say the least. To be honest, I’ve really had a surprisingly optimistic attitude about the whole pandemic situation up until this morning. I had been making the most of our time together, reflecting on my blessings, doing all the things, & staying positive about the crisis affecting so many. 

However, today my attitude was less than stellar. It’s been several weeks (I’ve lost count of exactly how many, because I don’t even know what day is anymore), & I’m tired ya’ll! 24/7 momming with no break & no outings is starting to take its toll. I’ve been spoiled; my parents took the kids a lot, I went out with my friends weekly, & to yoga daily. I’ve lost all these outlets, & my kids have lost all theirs too. Put us together, & add in the fact that I had been counting down the days to Rosemary Beach for weeks now, & the result is a depleted & whiny me. And also more wining (get it here).

So what did I do to combat this negative Nancy attitude? Nothing. That’s right, I let myself have a moment. Actually, I let myself have all morning. I let my kids eat the leftover brownies from Sourhern Graces’ family meal last night for breakfast today. (If y’all haven’t tried one of their gourmet dinners over these social distancing days, you’re missing out! Check out their menu here). I ignored the school packet on the counter, & put a movie on for them at 9am. I didn’t make my bed or clean the kitchen. Nope, I sat on the couch in my pajamas & sulked about the fact that my vacation plans were sidelined indefinitely, the Heritage, which I had planned my outfit for weeks ago was cancelled, my friends spring wedding was postponed, the charity event I looked forward to most each year wasn’t gonna happen, my monthly supper club wouldn’t be meeting anytime soon, my favorite heated room lined with yoga mats & friendly faces was becoming a distant memory, & my most favorite time of year to bar hop around beautiful Savannah for day drinking would soon be long gone as I’m forced to hide out at home. Oh, & don’t even get me started on Easter. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss going out. I miss normalcy. We all do, & it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to break down & have a pity party now & then. 

I don’t think I allowed myself to feel that, because every time those frustrations crept in, I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I was winning about my daily life when there were people around the world losing theirs. Mothers & fathers, sons & daughters taking their last breath alone in an isolated hospital bed while their friends & family mourned their loss from quarantined homes. My daily frustrations seemed petty when I knew there were folks fearing the worst financially as they received the news of layoffs, & I knew there were many people living in fear, more aware than ever of their compromised immune systems. 

But here’s the thing, we’re human. And I don’t think we’re strong enough to never let our own crap get to us. Nor do I think it’s healthy to hold it all in. It’s okay to get down, just as long as we don’t stay there. Saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse is like saying someone can't be happy just because someone may have it better. So, this morning I didn’t turn it all on. In fact, the only thing I turned on was the TV. I didn’t do all the things with the kids or “make the most” out of this situation. I was lazy, I was disappointed, & I did nothing at all productive. And I did it all the way up to nap time…& then more when I decided to binge watch Netflix originals instead of doing laundry, cleaning, or working out while they slept. 

But I capped my pity party, y’all. When I accepted the invitation this morning, I told myself I wouldn’t stay past nap. So when the kids got up, I reminded myself that although this does suck, I have a great deal to be thankful for. I have so much in life to get me off the couch & smiling again despite the crazy times we’re in. 

Right now we have our health, we have each other, a roof over our head, food in the fridge, paychecks for now, & greatest of all, we have our faith in God that He will bring us through this. So yes, I had a meltdown, & it allowed me to cut myself some slack. I took a much needed, guilt free, pass on all my responsibilities today. Then I came back refreshed. I needed the pitty party & I’m glad I went for a while, because I left with a new perspective. 

…Just sayin. Stay home folks!

So I’ll just be over here sipping homemade paloma’s (my recipe here) while wearing all my new “vacation outfits” & a big smile, because even if life doesn’t go the way I plan; I’ve still got a pretty darn good one. 

I encourage you today to focus on all the blessings you still have. Don’t beat yourself up for getting down or frustrated, but also don’t stay there. Give yourself a minute, get it all out, & then choose gratitude. Believe me, no matter what your situation is, you have something to make you smile & thank God for today. 

Happy Monday, Friends!